If I go back to bed and wake again, will it be different ?

She was just trying to escape the day. Looking for quiet some solitude.

The beginning of the day started with a diaper full of pee on my leg wrapped in my blankets. The sheets had just been changed Monday – which lead to a long sigh.

Up and at it. It’s 4:53 AM . As she trudges up the stair case to the kitchen, out of no where the 158lbs Tibetan Mastiff knocks her to the floor. “It’s ok mommy. I kiss it and make it better.” Says the 2 year old who needs a diaper and new pants still.

As I turn to go to the kitchen, I realize the 2 year old has been up for a bit, the front window is wide open. Of course I am just in my underwear and bra. Thank god it’s 5 AM and anyone awake is too tired to look in my window.

Being a mom is so joyous …. gotta clock in and work from home.



I feel most humans need that contact with other humans. I use to crave being away from other humans , I can’t stand all the different ways of being “you”. I distanced myself because I take friendship dear. I am a strange person as well lol. You know you are reading my blog 🤷‍♀️ Seriously though, I am complicated if you don’t like me or know me I am hard to take and still understand. I am worthy of the tolerance you allow though.

Sometimes though you just “fallout”. Even with love and relationships. Currently I love who I am with no one else I love currently, just him. I am though no where near in love with him. Couldn’t even imagine it. I think. Weird realization time. It is what it is. Life is that. You love you hurt you move on.

I am a mom first and foremost that’s always my problem. I should be me, but I am not. I can recognize that fact and most cannot so thumbs up for me. Any others that can see that too. One day it will be me. I have a 2 & 3 year old be a long time lol !

The Covid has brought a lot of time for people to think and get to know themselves and whom they live with. Families become tighter or harder at heart. Big difference spending 24/7 together running hear and doing this and that ….. than spending 24/7 together doing 100% together 24/7.

Makes ya think ….. uh ?

You are welcome.

Anyways that’s my odd thinking of tonight. Enjoy your dreams or days that’s about to begin off to watch some crazy show to give Rene crazy dreams and spawn other odd ramblings of my overanxiousmimd .


Maybe. Not a good time for a post

This here’s sums my life up

So my sons have a rare blood disorder (yay) CVD19 increases your blood by clotting 60% MORE

My mother I held as she died by a hornet sting. Not a thing I could do for her. We are allergic too. You can only tell by your first sting.
On a good note I have tons of Klonopins (prescribed) and a huge bottle of Rum
In the words cute ass words of my 3 year old
“Eye Eye matey”


Mothers Day

So let’s start jealousy is ugly and hateful, but easy to consume you. Hey I am letting it. I am so jealous of all the arrogant assholes that hate their mom and have nothing to do with them …… they will be gone one day. You will want them and that time back. Only lessons teach that.

My mom and my oldest daughter (she died before my last 2 kids). They were best friends. It was so beautiful.

Then she left us all , she was gone is gone.

She will never be again. No more hi 👋 how are you nothing.


Tears roll toddler to grandma

Over anxious.

Anytime a doors closes behind me and locks there are tears that rip apart from my eyes in painful silence …. “gotta be a strong one “ …. wipes away takes a deep breath

Swallows unlocks the door to those screaming crying smiling loving faces.

To the husband who says he can never hear a word you say but the moment you mouth the word “mutherfucker” he hears that of course. Still the husbands the whispers like he’s right under the helicopter wings.

Love though is what keeps us together.

That saying is so true.

Please leave me some comments. I need other OVERANXIOUS Anxiety Ridden moms out there to make me feel normal and I know there are some dads too. Get you fingers going in comments.

I am so blessed to live in the most beautiful area.


You ever know where some one can be headed with a phrase or how or how long to hold on to see what the ending is ? ……

This is my life I start this, then I move into this, well and then maybe start it try to finish any of it. Which usually ain’t happening lol especially if you know me. I am sure you all have a pile of those those things I do too. I am great spectacular at starting these having the biggest to do finish pile ever. Another mental note to make … I will never remember talk to doctor about remembering meds – I am sure there is one for it there is one for almost anything.

I love my planners I love my journals and calendars and all that’s me. I am on top of it – I got it always going to make it. Never late unless he’s in charge , then of course we are on Joe time lol, that is a joke with all his friends too . I wish his friends would come visit , I don’t know many that well either.

Well this month is “Marked Safe from my PMS”.

Leave me a comment.

Oh you have to have sometime something to say !


Not sure where I was going ….

Well. I don’t know the day with out looking seriously ever. Do you ? Did you look. ? Come be honest guys ?leave me a comment let me know.

So before Coronavirus , my kind was this way to. I just called it mommy brain. Lol. It’s ok did you chuckle ? I can’t think of the number of times my eyes rolled into the back of my head and I was like , “Omg mom! Really ? How did you forgot or not know ?! Ugh . Really !!” Lol and then my eyes rolled even harder ya know it ! At some points In my years I had to whiff my bangs out of my eyes so they could see the eye roll.

An over anxious mom hopes to read ……
motherhood, Toddlers

So much drama wrapped up

Let’s be honest about this damn quarantine, my husband goes to the store one more time and returns with snacks only for him. I don’t eat those nasty rolls and butter bars. Maybe that’s the whole plan , then he has all the junk food in the world. Lol hahaha insert evil laugh. Smart man.

It’s going to be hell. I will eat beans and broccoli for a week and since I am so luckily (time he will regret) the one to make the bed tuck in the sheets that will be tight hold in that smell great for him. I will move every few moments to help with the whiff getting back to his nose lmao.

I swear we should get straight jackets lol

So my tin hat friends have me researching …. I always believe in my rights ….. even yours if I don’t support them I still believe they are your rights .

This election the state of the Nation I don’t know what to say.

It seems someone put my 2 and 3 year old up for a debate over empty Easter Eggs. They all end up crying and no one gets what they want.

I can tell you the other shoe shall fall.