Wouldn’t trade them for the world.

As I wander through the battlefield of my home, I acknowledge the toddlers have won.

There is string cheese in the drawers , for long who knows . I found a cup of yeah, it was hard inside so I threw that away. I seriously do clean daily – weekly like a normal person. My kids just have this wonderful talent of hiding things to the extreme.

This is all cleaned up and I am turning on the dishwasher as the 3 year old states her tummy hurts. I turn to her and she cries, “Mommy I have to poop!” Pick her up and off to the toilet , is the plan, except the 2nd step resulted in explosive diarrhea. Remember I picked her up – yeah.

Have kids you will love it 😍 Kids are worth it.

If I go back to bed and wake again, will it be different ?

She was just trying to escape the day. Looking for quiet some solitude.

The beginning of the day started with a diaper full of pee on my leg wrapped in my blankets. The sheets had just been changed Monday – which lead to a long sigh.

Up and at it. It’s 4:53 AM . As she trudges up the stair case to the kitchen, out of no where the 158lbs Tibetan Mastiff knocks her to the floor. “It’s ok mommy. I kiss it and make it better.” Says the 2 year old who needs a diaper and new pants still.

As I turn to go to the kitchen, I realize the 2 year old has been up for a bit, the front window is wide open. Of course I am just in my underwear and bra. Thank god it’s 5 AM and anyone awake is too tired to look in my window.

Being a mom is so joyous …. gotta clock in and work from home.

Best Days Ever

My oldest sons – my other children are out here for a bit over a month ! I am so excited, I missed them like crazy.

They are my men my babies minus the babies I have lol. We went to Barnes and Nobles today and bought Habitat for Humanity, we have been playing Apples for Apples 🍎. Which is fun as hell as well. So do you ever just play board games. Family fun night ever ? Movie or music in in background. Everyone laughing and having a blast ❤️. Habitat for Humanity is fun to play with my 16.5 year old and 18 year old sons and my significant other.

Well I am off to where ever it is I go now. Have a great night and thanks for listening to the ramblings !

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i love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life is a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
Maya Angelou

— anxieyriddenmother (@anxieyriddenmo1) June 3, 2020

I finally came alive with the times and decided t o scream along. I am on twitter @anxietyriddenmother if you would like to follow me.

Hate

Is never the answer, but the world breeds hate so quickly. Hate does no good. Don’t be a part of the disease.

What’s Up

Today was a good day, kids were a little hectic … might be a full moon ? My hubby took FMLA so that I could rest up a bit horrid headache and not being able to sleep is killing me. Or dragging me down pretty low. My anxiety with all these riots and hate being spread like wildfire, is through the roof. I cannot even think past this most the time. Maybe some clonazepam’s and a beer and I will stop thinking later. Anxiety meds rock.

I have been lucky to have some help with the anxiety and what depression it brings. Those are both serious diseases, that all people should seek help for. I have dealt with anxiety since the death of my mother. I pass out sometimes it gets so bad. Concussion 1 and concussion 2 and 3. Panic attacks, ugh . One time I cut my head pretty good. Reason 1 and many more that you should seek help with disorders mental or not.

I have started tracking things , such has habits , sleep, food , weed smoking, fountain sodas. Trying to quit sodas, slowly scaling back. I suck at sleep – I get 1.5 hours out – then 2 -3 hours awake. Anyone have these problems ? Solutions PLEASE post in comments I truly appreciate it 🙂 Weed smoking – I need to make sure Indica only and only as needed. I was smoking a bit more than needed I am sure. Don’t need to make it a habit, just a cure. Food : funny thing , I fix it everyday more than once a day too. I make it for my kids, getting them eating then I clean up. I never eat myself. I am making a habit tracker to keep me eating : broke it down by veggies meat milk products. Last but not least books – I love to read. I read as much as I can.

I also started doing these visuals on YOUTUBE , binaural beats. Look them up. Graphics pictures are soothing and mesmerizing, and the music is the best to relax too. I wish that I could get meditation down. Practice makes perfect right ? I will keep it going. Any good meditations that I can follow please post in comments !

Hey

Good morning all. It’s Saturday! Woot woot. Right it’s 9 am here and so far I have cleaned up 32 ounces of bubbles mixed with 20 minutes of running hose water on the patio. Lesson learned don’t cook bacon and eggs and trust your kids 5 feet away lol. It’s a very slippery experience. I must say.

Mom you can’t be mad

Come on we are super cute.

Good Evening

How is everyone doing ? Excited for the bans to be lifted ? Ready to go back into public – spend money – eat out ? Maybe catch a deadly disease ? I am still a bit worried not sure about you guys . I have my oldest boys flying out to see me in a few days for a month. I cannot be more excited for this trip/visit !!

Took some time to my self today about 20 minutes and went to the backyard and took some snaps of the mountains. I miss them , I need a climb/hike

Pikes Peak – Colorado Springs

PTSD

It can happen to anyone. Soldiers that get mad and think civilians can’t ….. well I have seen more death on hand than a lot of soldiers. Not random people either that I don’t know. My loves my mom, my family.

I spent the last week on a “vacation”. I have horrid PTSD, I have some major life problems out of my control. That’s it I can not control it. The out of my control, is horrid. I have always usually had control most what of what happens in life. I mean yeah I don’t control others, but I am use to a scheduled life, family being loving. So yeah major shock.

PTSD :

My vacation has taught me that people just can’t change sometimes or don’t want to. Which I understand that. I didn’t realize that I had to either for a bit. I have learned to choose my battles and to realize I don’t have control or I do.

The more you know

Did you know that the human brain does this ? Blocks and binds receptors to make chemicals make your brain needs. Learning about meds and the chemicals in your brain. It’s interesting I will say that confusing. I am currently learning taking switching meds lol. My brain is broken and I need help creating these chemicals. Anyhow you should google your brain in some free time. Interesting what is cannot and can do. What it can recreate, how it can retrain itself. So much.